NEWS FROM 
NOTOWN 




Eleanor 

Ellis 
Perkins 





Ctes_ ?S ^ S31 
CoipghtF L3J^ 

COEfl«GHT DEPOSm 




Class_ ? S "^ S 3 1 

COPYRIGHT DEPOStn 



0tW from /l5otot»n 



NEWS FROM NOTOWN 

By 

ELEANOR ELLIS PERKINS 

With Illustrations by 
Lucy Fitch Perkins 




BOSTON AND NEW YORK 

Houghton Mijfflin Company 

Crj)e RibereiUc ^xtm CambriUp 

1919 









COPYRIGHT, I9I9, BY ELEANOR ELLIS PERKINS 
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



/.7 6- 



uCl lb i9l9 



.A536176 



Contents 

Introduction vii 
Mrs. Jones Prophesies Rain . i 
Fortius Bigg Bemoans His Famous Fatness 5 
Mr. Capricorn Rings Morning Alarm too Early 9 
Miss Maryllia Does Her Shopping Early 13 
The Blands' Front Yard Invaded by Chickens 17 
Albert Cowl Not a Close Observer 21 
A Sensation in Notown 25 
The Notown Beau Attempts to Stay to Dinner 29 
Miss Amanda Simm Found Using Violent Lan- 
guage 33 
Marshall's Jerry Keeps a Private Cemetery 37 
Notown Manners Unpopular in Boston 41 
An Interview with Inventor Riggs 45 
Captain Ben Hect Mutinies When Expected to 

Praise the New Wheeler Baby 49 

The Biggs Foolishly Attempt to Change the Mind 

of a Setting Hen 53 

Remarks of Organ-Grinder During Recent Visit to 

Notown 57 

[ V ] 



Jerome Marshall Shows Results of Careful Home 

Training 6i 

Miss Portia Pennybacker Described 65 

Ben Hect Will Do Almost Anything Once 69 

Opinions Concerning Bagpipes Differ 73 

Miss Portia Pennybacker Rides Home Only 

Partially 77 

Ignorance of Care and Feeding of Children Due to 

Single State 81 

Well-Known Desperado Deprived of Anticipated 

Punishment 85 

The Wheelers' New Baby Commented on Un- 
favorably 89 

Street- Sweeper Reported a Rich Man 93 

Mr. Chubb's Theories on Raising Babies Do Not 

Stand Tests 97 

Mrs. Montmorenci Issues a Warning loi 

Miss Patience Runs Out of Feet 105 



3|nttoDuctton 




Sntrotiuction 



NOSE for news has Jiffy Wells. 
What his nose knows he always tells. 
The streets he scurries up and down 
To smell the news of old Notown. 

An eye for news has Jiffy too, 
To tell the old news from the new. 
He keeps it cocked and jots right down 
The sights he sees in old Notown. 

To jot down notes he keeps a pen 
Which serves for sketching now and then. 
What's in his notebook you will learn 
If you will but these pages turn. 



[ ™ ] 



^etDS trom J^ototon 

fnits. 31ones! i&ropi^cjste^ main 



i^rs. 3(ottes ^ropljesies Bain 




UR neighbor Mrs. Padded Jones 

Has very prophesying bones. 

By feeHng them she always knows 

The proper time to hang out clothes. 

To-day her feeling 's very strong 

That something right is going wrong. 

Either the mayor is n't well, 

Or else 't will rain ! She cannot tell. 



[^ 




LlKy f^lCh f^y^lWS 



pottim ^igs ^emoanjEi ^i^ famous fatnm 




fortius idtgs ilemoans His Jfamous 
Jpatnes0 



UITE near the outskirts of the town 
You '11 find a famous spot. 
The house of Fortius Bigg is there 
Together with the lot. 

He is the fat boy of the town, 
His weight we state with pride. 
All other fat boys look quite thin 
Our Fortius Bigg beside. 

He has a double double chin, 
Receding mouth and eyes, 
And hid between his puffy cheeks 
His little noselet lies. 

But often his enormous bulk 

Reduces him to tears, 

And when he cries, streams from his eyes 

Flow backward to his ears ! 

[6] 



" It is so tiresome," he sobs, 
" To have my chin repeat. 
I wish I could before I die 
Stand up and see my feet 1 " 



iMr* Capricorn 
IStngjs jmornfng alarm €00 €arl^ 



^r. Capricorn I^tngfi! iWoming 
alarm Coo €arl? 




R. CICERO CAPRICORN 
Gets up at sunrise every morn, 
And then he crows so lustilye 
That none can sleep more late than he. 



His mistress loves him tenderly, 
But on cold mornings even she 
Thinks that the sun is much mistaken 
Her Cicero so soon to waken. 

The neighbors in the near-by houses 
From slumber without fail he rouses. 
They hear him crowing ringingly. 
They 'd wring his neck more willingly 



[10] 



^im ittat^lUa ©oejsi l^er ^l^opptng €avlv 




^is!S iWarplIta Boes Her ^Jjopping 
€arl? 



ARYLLIA has just passed this way, 
She looks uncommon sweet to-day 
In a made-over hat. 
She trimmed it with a rose bouquet, 
And added just to make it gay. 
Some "this and that." 

Her frock she made of odds and ends 

To which a bit of ribbon lends 

A deal of style. 

For lack of jewels, say her friends, 

Her pretty manners make amends, 

And her bright smile. 

Of cleverness she makes her clothes, 
And uses patience as she sews 
To make them fit. 
All her painstaking neatness goes 
To make her sweet as any rose. 
No doubt of it. 

[ 14] 



Oh, she 's really very lovely ! 

You '11 say so at a glance, 

With smiles in every corner 

That her other charms enhance. 

With a ruffle here, and a ribbon there, 

And sunbeams dancing in her golden hair. 

As her litde feet go tripping 

Down the gray old street, 

The bending elms bend lower 

Her blue eyes to greet. 



Ci^e iBlanDjj' jffront parD SlntwDeD b^ Cl^tcfeen^ 




Clje MmW Jfront iarli Snbatjeti bp 
C|)iffeens 



RS. HORTON MONTMORENCI is deaf 
in t' other ear, 

And so she 's never bothered by the things 
she does n't hear. 

She has a deep aversion for her neighbor, 
Mrs. Bland, 

And any reference made to her she cannot 
understand. 

Once some one just remarked that Mrs. 
Bland had almost died 

When hens got in her dooryard, for fowls 
she can't abide. 

Now Mrs. Montmorenci thought this preju- 
dice absurd, 

And a curious coincidence immediately oc- 
curred. 

Stray hens appeared inside the fence at 
least three times a day 

To Mrs. Bland's best gardens wending fast 
their way. 

[ ■»] 



How it was they got there no one ever 

seemed to know, 
And yet those birds continued every day 

to come and go. 
But if we should protest in Mrs. Montmo- 

renci's ear 
••How's that," would be the sharp reply, 

"What say? I didn't hear." 



aibert €om Bot a ClOjSe €>l)}8et:ber 




albert CotDl ^ot a Close ©bserber 



BSENT-MINDED Albert Cowl 

Of promptness cannot boast. 

One morning he came down so late, 

Breakfast was over, most. 

His angry father's glance was chill, 

As was his tgg on toast. 

" Papa," he said, " I'm most contrite, 

And likewise sorry, too. 

For being late to breakfast 

Is not the thing to do. 

The fact is I have spent my time 

In looking for my shoe. 

" I 've searched the barn and loft in which 

Our tomcat had a fit. 

Explored the well, and then ransacked 

The proper place for it, 

But still of my right shoe there is 

A shocking deficit." 

[22] 



The lad held forth for him to see 

His left shoe lone and fair. 

" My son," his father said, " your brains 

With sawdust can't compare ! 

If you will look on your right foot, 

You '11 find your right shoe there." 



2 ^mmion in 0otoia>n 



a Sensation in ^ototon 



ri< ^-(r> *» = 



HE seven- two train went off early to-day 

with the late Mr. Angus B. After, 
Which gave the whole village a shock of 

surprise as well as a spasm of 

laughter. 
The facts of the matter, some here and some 

there, were told to us carefullee, 
And as we understand it the way of it was 

not at all as it seemed to be. 
For every one knows that if there 's a train, 

and business demands that he take it, 
That Angus is late, and by this and by that, 

he simply can't manage to make it. 
He 's late to appointments, he 's late to his 

dinner, he 's late to church meetings 

and what not. 
He 's late to all functions, was late to his 

wedding, will be to his funeral I 

doubt not. 
He 's late to his train and although all the 

crew know perfectly well that he 's 

hurrying 

[16] 



They simply won't wait, so he 's always too 

late, in spite of his unseemly scurry- 
ing. 
This morning he got there in plenty of 

time with no sign of haste or of 

worry, 
And the shock put the crew in a regular 

stew, and the passengers all in a 

flurry. 
'* For the very first time," they cried out in 

surprise, "you 're on time to your 

train by the Powers." 
"Not at all, my good friends," he repHed 

with a smile, ** I am late by just 

twenty-four hours," 



Cl^e il5ototx)n iBeau attempts to ^ta^ to ©inner 



Cije Jtototon ileau attempts to ^ta^ 
to Btnner 




HIS tendency in Mr. Wait 

Is daily growing stronger. 

He stays and stays and stays and stays, 

And then he Hngers longer ! 



He calls upon his lady fair, 
And tells her almost nightly, 
" You realize I '11 stay to dine 
If I am urged politely." 

Last night his lady fair replied 
In words both terse and few, 
** I 'd love to urge you, but I fear 
You 'd stay to breakfast too 1 " 



[30] 



mi^^ aimanDa ^(mm fourth Bm^ Wiolmt languaee 




0ii9iS ^mantia ^imm JFounli ^stng 
l^tolent Sanguafie 



ROFANITY is not a whim 
Which well-bred Miss Amanda Simm 
Allows herself, and yet to-day 
A friend who chanced to pass her way 
Heard Miss Amanda state her mind 
In terms, which were in one refined, 
To say the least a great surprise. 
Her brief remark would scandalize 
The most unpolished passerby 
Were he in her vicinity. 

Now we will state in words exact, 
Though quite polite, the simple fact 
Which gave Amanda such dismay 
And led her language far astray. 
This noon she had upon her arm 
A box of eggs fresh from the farm. 
Her neighbor's goat browsed peacefully 
Tethered to a nearby tree. 

[34] 



When Miss Amanda came in sight 
His eye with plotted crime grew bright. 
He dashed directly up the street 
And wound his rope around her feet, 
Dislocating thus her legs 
And hurling her into the eggs. 
It really spoiled her clothes and hair, 
The eggs were quite beyond repair. 
She rose and said in accents sad, 
"Now really isn't that too bad." 

Judge for yourself if there 's excuse 
For using such profane abuse. 



f^atmiV^ aertr Mm a pvMtt Cemetery 




i^arsl)airs 3(errp Bleeps a ^ribate 
Cemetery 



KNOW a boy called Marshall's Jerry 
Whose favorite pet is a cassowary. 
But he has many pets beside 
In which he takes an honest pride. 
For instance penned in his back yard 
You '11 find a spotted leopard, 
And tethered to a nearby tree 
Is a moth eaten chimpanzee. 
Beneath the barn and safe from cats 
Are various kinds of colored rats. 
The barn, so says his crocodile, 
Is more commodious than the Nile. 
The basement Jerry thinks quite nice 
For housing little homeless mice. 
Dearer than all to Marshall's Jerry 
Is his own back-yard cemetery. 

A generous lad is Marshall's Jerry, 
For with that back-yard cemetery 
He shares his pets and takes great care 
[38 ] 



That every one shall end up there. 
Whene'er his pigs come down with fits, 
Whene'er he drowns his old cat's kits, 
Whene'er his black bears overeat, 
Whene'er his chickens wet their feet, 
Whene'er his zebras wring their necks. 
Whene'er his moles develop specks. 
In fact, whatever fortune brings 
In funerals, deaths, or other things, 
He never lets it cloud his joy, 
For he 's a philosophic boy. 
He merely says, does Marshall's Jerry, 
" Here 's one more pet for the cemetery ! " 



iSototon f^annm 2Jnpopulat in ^ojston 



^ototott lEanners ^npoptilar in 




HEY drilled Jerome Marshall for almost 

ten days 
In the higher technique and the intricate 

ways 
Of handling a knife and fork, 
Of quirking his finger above a tea cup, 
Of saying " No more thanks I 'm really filled 



up 



I" 



In the elegant mode of New York. 

They told him to chew forty times on his 

meat, 
That under his chair he must anchor his 

feet, 
That his elbows must rise to a slant. 
Then they hid his spruce gum and his long 

snickersnee 
And took the poor child off to Boston to see 
His very most shockable Aunt. 



[42 ] 



When that worthy lady urged him to accept 
Some pie in the art of which she was adept, 
Thus answered the well bred Jerome. 
" Please excuse me dear Aunt but I 'd rather 

have cake, 
Because I have often been forced to partake 
Of pie just as nasty at home I " 



an %nmt>it\x> Wt\i 9Inbentor mtgaei 



an Snterbteto toitl) Jnbentor ll^iggs 




LD Riggs makes most frequent mention 
Of an engine, his latest invention. 
When asked, '• Does it go?" 
He replies, "Dear me, no! 
That really is not my intention." 



[46 ] 




-rl <^^ ^%H' ,^ ~-^ 



Tti^p^t 



-(^:.. 



Captain Ben J^ect Mv^tinit^ Wlfm d^xptcm to ^tai^t 



Captain Hen Hect Mutinits W\^m 
C^jpectetJ to praise tije J^eto Wbttkv 




S we were walking down the street 
An army we did chance to meet 
Waving flags, and otherwise 
Armed to teeth and nose and eyes. 
At intervals the line did pause 
And opening wide its several jaws, 
Emitted such an awful yell 
That in our tracks we almost fell 
And scarce recovered from the fright 
Till eight o'clock the following night. 
The army's yell which split our ears 
Was this, " Hurrah, and three big cheers. 
And tigers, for the sister what 
General Jamjar Wheeler 's got! " 

We later learned from trusted sources 
That General Wheeler marched his forces 
In the house and up the stair 
And straight into the nursery where 
[50] 



His day old sister lay all red 
With wrinkled nose and hairless head. 
The army gazed with deep respect. 
Then up spoke fearless Captain Hect. 
" I 'd send her back if I was you, 
She looks so awful raw and new ! 
Where 's her nose and where 's her chin ! 
What silly clothes to dress her in ! " 

An awesome lady in a dress 

Entirely made of cleanliness 

Picked Jamjar quickly off of Ben, 

And hustled out his valiant men. 

In Wheeler's yard immediately 

Occurred an awful mutiny 

At which the General did his duty 

And proved with fists his sister's beauty. 

Our last report just merely mentions 
That Wheeler's men retired on pensions. 



€]^e 131MJ3 fooUmv attempt to Ci^ange ti^e j^inD 
of a getting l^en 




%\ft Mm loolisblp attempt to 
Cljange tfje i^inti of a getting Urn 



HE Biggses had a setting hen. 

She set and set ! 

They put her in a latticed pen. 

That did n't break her up, so then 

They went and gave her duckings ten. 

And still she set ! 

They took away her drink and grain, 
But there she set ! 

They crammed in her with might and main 
Red pepper pills to cause her pain ; 
More than a chicken should contain. 
And there she set ! 

Then at the Doctor's stern request, 
While still she set, 
They went away and took a rest. 
Returned and found her still obsessed 
With one idea, all she possessed. 
And setting yet ! 
[54] 



Mtmatb^ of flDrgan-c^tintiet J^rtng iSetent i^tjertt 
to jSototmr 



IRemarfes at #rgan*(S^rmtier Buring 
decent l^istt to ^ototon 




Y feet are sludging through the puddles in 

the road, 
There 's a box of jolly tunes upon my back, 
Coquette, my ugly monkey, rides aloft the 

load. 
The darling knows there 're riches in my 

pack, 



" Don't you know, my ugly beauty, 
That it's worth a pirate's booty? 
That it bursts with golden treasure ? 
That it 's brimming full of pleasure ? 

*' The rain is bouncing on my hat and off the 

brim. 
It falls while I peer through it like a veil. 
My shoes slosh as I walk, the sky is gray 

and grim, 
But all the while my heart the sun can hail 1 



[ 58 ] 



fplii^ 




For my box is full of dancing, 
Laughing looks and smiles entrancing, 
Full of crowded pavements ringing 
With pattering feet and singing ! " 

So sang the organ-grinder in the rain, 
While tunes came tumbling out and in again, 
And rosy fingers on the window pane 
Tapped out the dancy time of his refrain. 



aerome iEarieii^aU ^})om Mtmit^ of Careful J^ome 
Crainins 




3(erome ^arsljall ^ijotos Results 
ot Careful Home Crammjg; 



EROME, child, you are such a comfort to 

me!" 
Said old Mrs. Horton D. Montmorenci, 
To the Marshalls' well brought up and 

cleaned up young son, 
Who had dropped in that afternoon just for 

the fun 
Of making a call and of eating some cakes 
Of the sort Montmorenci 's Maryllia makes. 
'• If I make a remark which some neighbor 

derides 
Your merriment just about splits your young 

sides. 
If I crack a poor pun or repeat nonsense 

rhymes. 
Or remodel a joke so 'twill suit modern 

times, 
You laugh at it loudly and lengthily too. 
For your kindness, my dear, I am grateful 

to you." 

[62] 



"It's no trouble at all," replied tactful Je- 
rome. 

" I 've been so accustomed to poor jokes at 
home ! " 



^i^^ pottia pmmbacUtv mmibth 




J^tss ^ortta ^ennpbacfeer BescrtliftJ 



ID you ever want to trample through an 

untracked patch of snow ? 
Did you ever want to roll in fields of hay 

just ripe to mow ? 
Did you ever mark a frosted cake with 

thumb prints in a row ? 
Did you ever? 
Yes, and what is more, you did it. 

Did you ever see Miss Portia's back pro- 
gressing up the street, 

With Miss Portia far in front of it, a train 
behind her feet ? 

While you contemplated landing there a 
snowball hard and neat ? 

Did you ever ? 

Yes, and what is more, you didn't! 



[66] 



OBen l$ttt mil ®o aimojSt anrti^ing €)nce 




Hen Hect Will Bo Almost anptbing 
#me 



NCE Ben Hect got a notion 

To wash from top to toes. 

He scrubbed till he was shiny, 

And donned some all clean clothes. 

A haircut from the barber 

He got with a shampoo, 

Then walked the streets of Notown 

To show what he could do. 

But that never never happened more than 
once. 

Again he got a notion 

'T would be a mad display 

To have one's hands both cleanly. 

He 'd wash but one a day ! 

But when he went to dinner 

Things did n't go quite well. 

Papa disliked the contrast. 

Ben washed them both — pell mell ! 

Ben also never tried that more than once. 

[70] 



€>p(n(onj2J Concemtng 'Bagptpeis matt 




©pinions Concerning bagpipes Bitter 



T rattles and it wheezes, 
It coughs and sometimes sneezes 
Before the tunes are even under way. 
Then gasping turns to squeaking, 
To crying and to creaking ! 
But Sandy loves to hear the bagpipes play. 

To-day he donned his bonnet 

And plaid with red stripes on it, 

And strutted through the streets and piped 

a lay. 
The children jigged close after, 
With jokes and jolly laughter, 
They'd listen to him squeak the livelong day ! 

Old folks who walk sedately 

Through Notown streets so stately 

Were seen to frown and shudder and to 

say, 
"We simply can't go walking 
To such unseemly squawking. 
To keep the piper still we 'd gladly pay! " 

[74] 



jHi0j5 j^ottta pmnvhatktt Mim l^me flDnl^ 
j^artiallt ♦ ♦ ♦ 




Home 0n\p i^arttallp 



OTOWN has a one-horse cab, 
Which ambles through the street, 
Hitched to what is called a horse 
Because it has four feet. 

The cab has lamps which do not light, 
And doors that will stick shut. 
There 're forty squeaks for every joint 
Than which there 's nothing but ! 

Miss Portia P. came' back to town 
Upon the local train. 
Found no one at the station but 
The Notown cab and rain. 

Being no judge of cabs, she thought 
She could get home at least 
By using that historic hack 
And antiquated beast. 

[78] 



She climbed right in, she banged the door, 
The horse was roused to motion, 
But where she 'd left her pocket-book 
She had n't any notion. 

She rose in frantic haste to search 
Her reticule and muff, 
When crash ! the floor gave under her. 
It was such rotten stuff! 

With few delays she made a swift 
Descent into the road, 
And there she stuck and had to hop 
Clear to her own abode. 

And many were surprised to see 
That cab go down the street 
Upon its own four shaky wheels, 
Plus two well-slippered feet I 



3l8nomnce of Cate anD f eetitng of Ci^ttDten €)ue to 
jingle ^tate 



Sgttorance of Care antf Jfeetfing ot 
C|)tltiren Bue to Bin^lt ^tate 




R. OTTO B. JOLLY is forty, 

Mr. Otto B. Jolly is fat. 

Still every New Year finds him single, 

But then he thinks nothing of that ! 



Mr. Jolly just jingles with money. 
His pockets bulge out with good things. 
When he walks he appears to be skipping. 
Instead of plain talking, he sings. 

Mr. Jolly has quite a small namesake, 
And his name is Otto B. Sweete. 
Of course he wt// bring the boy presents 
Of things that he ought n't to eat. 

On Tuesday he brought him a truffle 
Garnished with lobster and tripe, 
With a relish of sardines and herring, 
And olives both stuffed and unripe. 



[ 82 ] 



When the small Otto's mother protested, 
He responded, "Don't mention it, pray! 
I thought he would like a nice dinner, 
Since the boy is a year old to-day." 



Wtlhf^no'con ©ejspemtio ^tvti\)th of anticipateD 




Wt\h%M\xin Besperatio Bepriljeti ot 
antictpatetj ^unisijment 



N Wednesday last at ten a.m. 
Aloysius Barnes got mad. 
Made up his mind to spend the day 
In being very bad. 

Revenge upon his harsh mamma 
He vowed with screams and yells, 
The while he scattered on the floor 
A mess of peanut shells. 

He banged the door, he kicked a tree, 
He trespassed on the grass. 
He bit his dog and then he pulled — 
But stop, we '11 let that pass. 

He called the cook fourteen bad names, 
Sewed up her apron strings, 
Provoked her till she called him "bad" 
And several other things. 

[86] 



He left the bathroom light to burn, 
The water tap to run, 
Then waded in the bathtub 
Which he should not have done. 

He spoiled his collar, splashed his suit. 
And tore his new necktie. 
He gave himself a bloody nose, 
Likewise a black right eye. 

He stamped right in the house to where 
Mamma was serving tea 
And turned his back upon her most 
Partikler companee. 

But of his looks and wicked ways 
No notice did she take. 
She merely said **Aloysius dear 
Come here and have some cake 1 " 



Ci^e W^im' iBetx) 'Bab^ CommenteD on 2lnfetJombl^ 



Commenteti on ^nfaborablp 




HEN little Betty Wheeler 

Was taken in to see 

A tiny crinkled baby 

Which was declared to be 

Her spandy new wee sister, 

She walked on tip-toe tips, 

With one hand in her nurse's 

And fingers on her lips. 

But when she saw near mother 

That funny dark red head 

She cried, " Mamma, who dared to put 

That punkin in your bed ! " 



[90] 



^treet'^^toeepet asepotteu a Mit\^ ^m 




^treet^^toeeper l^eporteti a 9^tci) |^an 



CONSCIENTIOUS man 
Is the street sweeper. 
Deny it if you can 
Of the street sweeper. 
There is not a nook unswept, 
Or a corner poorly kept, 
For at cleaning he 's adept, 
Is the street sweeper. 

He is wealthy even rich 

Is the street sweeper. 

It 's the grimy dust in which 

The old street sweeper 

Finds pennies beyond measure, 

And much lost or hidden treasure, 

That add greatly to the pleasure 

Of the street sweeper. 

A collector in his way 
Is the street sweeper. 
And all the small boys say 
That the street sweeper 
[94] 



Has the finest lot of balls, 
Pocket knives and Ingersolls, 
So they all make frequent calls 
On the street sweeper. 




Mt* Cf)ubt)*s Cijeories on lElatsmg 
Mhits Bo gtot ^tanti Cests 



UR ancient friend and dearest foe, 

Which is R. Percy Chubb, you know, 

Has lately settled down for life 

And married himself to a wife. 

Now he has a house and lot, 

Likewise a family burial plot, 

A rubber plant and overshoes. 

Wears glasses when he reads the news, 

Refuses toast because of noise. 

Has theories about raising boys. 

One evening of quite recent date, 
It being cool and not too late. 
We called in our capacity 
Of news reporter, just to see 
How Percy managed to enjoy 
His wife, his supper and his boy. 

We found him sitting ill at ease, 
Afraid to move or even sneeze. 

[98] 



"Sh-h-h," he said with worried frown, 

"You '11 wake the baby. Please sit down.*' 

We sat and noted with surprise 

The loudness of his baby's cries. 

" It 's been a very pleasant day," 

He managed finally to say. 

"Is that your royal heir?" we parried. 

His face with care was deeply harried. 

He softly moaned as he replied. 

"At least the Prince of Wails," he sighed. 



pit^ PLontmovmti 3i^mt^ a Wamitm 



^rs. i^lontmoremi issues a l^arnms 




RS. MONTMORENCI sat and sipped her 

tea and cake, 
While seven naughty Notown boys of cream 

tarts did partake. 
" My dears," she said, '* these tarts will give 

you each a stomach ache ! 



" Most awful pains come on," she said, " at 

times you 'd least expect, 
And lessons you would like to do they 

force you to neglect. 
Not even for arithmetic have they the least 

respect. 

" For coming when it *s time for school, 
those pains have quite a knack. 

On Sundays just in time for church you 
might have an attack. 

Whatever else I do without, cream tarts I 
never lack! " 



[ I02 ] 



Mrs. Montmorenci then sedately winked 
her eye 

At Jamjar, Bennie, and Jerome, who has- 
tened to reply, 

"To come and see you every week we all 
are going to try." 



f^i^^ patitntt Wxw €)ut of feet 




Miss i^attence launs #ut at fttt 



ESTERDAY when the rooster crowed 

While yet 'twas early morn 

Miss Patience woke and got right up 

Her person to adorn 

With some quite high and very new 

Red shoes she 'd never worn. 

Her skirt and dress were bad enough 

To crawl into unaided. 

Her garter complications were 

Deliberately evaded, 

And when it came to combing hair, 

She let it go unbraided. 

But shoes to one who never had 

Put on her shoes before, 

And was too small to dress herself. 

Were something of a chore. 

She struggled with them long and hard 

And puzzled with them more. 

[ 'OS] 



And when she ventured out to take 

Her morning promenade, 

The passersby stared very hard, 

And said, ** How very odd, 

That child should be so queerly dressed 

And so absurdly shod ! " 

" My dear young friend, you must have put 

Your shoes on your wrong feet," 

Was what she heard from every one 

That she did chance to meet. 

" What shall I do ? " Miss Patience sobbed, 

" I have no other feet! " 



CAMBRIDGE . MASSACHUSETTS 
U . S . A 



